WE? So, where were YOU?

The night they got Bin Laden (sounds like a country song) I, together with many of my milspouse Facebook Friends, was sitting in front of my netbook trying to keep up with the news; the TV was on, and there were pictures of the crowds in front of the White House. One young milspouse, who has come to our area to support a mutual friend whose husband is at Walter Reed after losing part of his leg in Afghanistan, was messaging – “pick me up, let’s go to the White House”… After a few of us told her how difficult it would be, how insane things like traffic and parking would be, I watched the coverage of Lafayette Park again. The screams of WE did it, the USA USA chants – the ones who were yelling the loudest were in Georgetown sweatshirts, their hair wasn’t a 3 on the top/2 on the side, they were too young to be veterans. Then the pictures changed to Ground Zero – same thing. Signs – WE did it. WE got him…

Rebekah Sanderlin, whose work I have enjoyed and admired for years, wrote a great piece for the New York Times. As she said “ We?”

WE? Where the HELL were you; when we waved goodbye again and again; when we went to funeral after funeral; when we packed another care package to send to our soldiers instead of seeing them around our Thanksgiving table, or the Christmas tree; when our friends delivered babies alone or with Daddy attending via Skype; when our military spouses were drowning in stress and sadness; when we set our alarms to get up at 3 am, because that was when our spouse could get to the computer to chat.

YOU decided the military cost too much; you decided that Veterans were costing too much and screamed that your taxes were too high; you griped when your roads were blocked when another servicemember’s funeral passed by; you derided the spouses as free loaders when they asked for the military discount offered by a grateful store; you told us “you knew what you were getting into” or “you volunteered, so shut up already”.

Oh, I forgot… you showed you supported the troops, didn’t you. You stuck that little yellow ribbon magnet on your car, and cheered when a color guard paraded into the stadium. But you are much MUCH too busy to help that family on the block that has someone deployed… you are much too busy to mow that lawn, or shovel that snow – after all, it’s not YOUR fault that he’s downrange; it’s not YOUR fault that she’s in Walter Reed or Bethesda Naval Hospital; he’s not YOUR brother; she’s not YOUR aunt.

After a decade of deployments, with another farewell set in a few weeks, and the questions of “doesn’t this mean he won’t have to go”… with the knowledge that many of my friends have spouses downrange or about to deploy and wondering if the vengeance or retaliation will hit here or there, this WE grates. After 10 years of hearing “you people [military] are overpaid” “that combat pay should be taxed”; “why are you getting all these discounts”, this WE irks me. After 10 years of watching marriages crumble; hearing of yet another suicide attempt or even worse of another spouse who couldn’t go on and ended it all, this WE really is starting to piss me off. If YOU want to stand there and yell WE did it – fine. If you can’t put on a uniform, then volunteer with a support group. If you don’t have a ton of time, go help that military family on your block. If you don’t have one of those,  sign up on Joining Forces send a donation to the USO, to Blue Star Families, make a Link for LIFT.

Those SEALS who went in, those intel guys who worked and worked to get the information, the planners, the guys who built the mockups, the pilots who flew them in, the support crews and all those families – the ones who won’t be jumping around in front of a camera screaming but are the ones who should be yelling WE did it, they deserve your thanks, your praise, your gratitude.  Don’t hurt yourself patting your own back, reach out and shake their hands.

LAW