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Support systems

March 24, 2011

We had a great thing happen yesterday, a small thing, but at least for me – it’s why we started this Blog in the first place. A new reader told us she was feeling alone and lonely. She’s keeping her non conservative, non religious opinions to herself while in “support group” meetings, in order to make her husband’s worklife smoother, and to make sure her child wasn’t getting grief. They live on post, and she feels like a minority of one.   Whether it’s because of her beliefs, her distaste in the attitudes voiced by others – it doesn’t matter.  She feels alone and “other”.

After reading the comment, I reached out to a friend who used to live at that post.   Last night, I heard they connected, that names have been exchanged, that some like minded folks may have a chance to get together and give each other support. There – that’s what we are doing, that’s why we are doing it. That awful feeling of not belonging because you are a”lone blue dot in a sea of red”, we hope that we were able to make her life less stressful.  Glad we were here, glad we could help

Are we saying that those that were voicing a different attitude are evil or bad?  no.  we are saying they were voicing attitudes that she found distasteful and she didn’t need to rely on only those groups for her support system.  LF gave her an alternative for support.  That’s the point.  SUPPORT for each other.  Every Milspouse needs support of some type, and this spouse needed support that she could feel comfortable with.


18 Comments leave one →
  1. March 24, 2011 8:55 am

    Support and being able to make connections with like minded people is so important. It can be especially challenging for military wives with the frequent relocations too, so it was encouraging to read this hear. 🙂

  2. March 24, 2011 9:27 am

    Huzzah! Having just made an unexpected non-conservative connection this very day myself, I feel like celebrating for both of us!

  3. Shana permalink
    March 24, 2011 11:13 am

    I’m glad to hear someone is finding success in meeting like-minded people on base! Unfortunately, I’ve found the process very difficult. Most of the women I’ve met are conservative, religious, and either pregnant or have several children. As a liberal, secular Humanist with no children (yet), it’s hard to find common topics of conversation! And I also feel pressure to keep my opinions to myself lest my outspokenness reflect badly on my husband. This goes SO against my feminist beliefs, but this lifestyle is really breaking me down…

    • March 24, 2011 11:16 am

      Shana – where are you? who knows, we might know someone, who knows someone. etc etc. either email me plibarmywife at GEEEmail. or let me know in your reply to this, that it’s ok for me to email you; we’ll start looking!

      • Shana permalink
        March 24, 2011 11:35 am

        I’m at Laughlin AFB in Del Rio, TX. I’d definitely be cool with being “set up” with another spouse in a similar situation!

    • Shannon permalink
      March 24, 2011 11:29 am

      Shana — please, please, PLEASE say you are at Langley AFB, Ft. Eustis, or somewhere in the surrounding Hampton Roads area…!

      • Shana permalink
        March 24, 2011 11:36 am

        Sorry Shannon… I wish! I’m at Laughlin AFB.

        • Tori permalink
          March 24, 2011 3:29 pm

          Shana- I wish you were here at Cannon in NM! I feel the same way- I do have 2 little kids, but I am an older mom and most of the spouses with little ones are much younger and much more conservative. I’ve been married for 7 years and haven’t made one close friend connected to the AF. Some of the spouses are really sweet and helpful, but I find it hard to be myself around them for the same reasons you listed. It is lonely out here!

        • libarmywife permalink
          March 24, 2011 3:41 pm

          Tori – if you go to the string on What is a liberal – there’s someone there from NM.

        • Tori permalink
          March 24, 2011 4:06 pm

          Thanks, I’ll check it out!

    • March 25, 2011 2:42 am

      I just PCS’d to Germany and am finding the climate here is MUCH different than in the Pacific NW and Ft. Lewis where we came from. EVERYONE is like you said, conservative, religious, pregnant or with a housefull of kids. I am 33 with one 11 year old daughter, we don’t go to church, am very liberal in my views and don’t want any more kids. I am finding that I don’t have a lot in common with these women I’m supposed to be befriending to make my husband’s life better. I feel like I’m “supposed to” participate in his unit’s FRG in order to make life smoother. It’s expected to show up. But…. when that said FRG does things like cancel a group outting of the movie “Rango” because someone complained that it had lesbians in it, it makes it really hard to want to participate and be around such closed minded people with such vastly different views. But then I’m torn because my husband is deploying soon and I want to have some kind of support here in this foreign country while he’s away for a year. I just don’t know what to do or where to turn. Blogs, online friends are great… but they can’t go to coffee or lunch or shopping with me when I need a friend.

      I’m hoping to find a community here that’s like minded, but so far…. not so much luck.

      • March 25, 2011 3:12 am

        Hey, I’m in Germany, too! In Schweinfurt – where are you?

        • March 25, 2011 3:19 am

          We are in Graf. How far are you from there?

      • March 25, 2011 8:59 am

        Eh, a couple of hours – or less, depending on how you drive. In the grand scheme of things, not far! I’m 35 with a 14 year old daughter, so I feel ya on the kid situation. Do you find this line running through your head often: “Sorry, I just don’t find your toddler’s teeth all that stimulating as a topic of conversation!” ?
        Feel free to email me: scarletvirago (at) yahoo !

    • July 12, 2011 1:46 am

      If you were in Japan, Shana, I would so be looking you up right now. I’m fairly new to this military thing. Yokosuka is our first duty station together (we married before he did C school, and I stayed put during that 6 months), and we’ve been here for a little less than a year. To date, my husband has been gone more than here, which is major suckage, but that’s small-boy life…they can and do leave at a moment’s notice, and their schedule is constantly changing.
      I just feel super out-of-place, and have a hard time meeting people. All the activities seem to be religious or kid oriented :/. Our ship had an FRG for a little while, but they only seemed interested in doing stuff for the kids (I’m really not interested in doing seasonal kid parties…kids are cool and all, but I’m a childess spouse and sometime feel like I’m almost the only one around).
      I’ve been lucky to find one cool, like-minded liberal friend (by pure dumb luck), but her husband has his orders and they’ll be leaving in a few months.
      It is a comfort to know that I’m not the only one our there who feels like the odd chick out. Hope things are getting better for you. Just know, you aren’t alone. May the force be with you, always.

  4. March 24, 2011 11:03 pm

    Someone needs to come up with a code word

  5. March 24, 2011 11:04 pm

    …or a secret handshake. This sounds like a job for Snarky.

  6. March 25, 2011 4:38 pm

    That’s why I like this blog too. Even being more of a moderate I often end up just keeping my mouth shut irl.

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