Skip to content

How To Survive Your Marriage Post-Deployment: Lessons Learned From A Newlywed [Part One]

May 26, 2009


With our deployment being past the six month mark, I’ve started thinking about life post-deployment, and the experiences that I went through last year after my husband returned from his first and very long [fifteen months] trip overseas. Would it be the same this time around? How would it be different? Can I expect any of the same things that we went through last time?

The truth of the matter is that sometimes life post-deployment can be just as tough, if not more so, than the actual deployment itself. And if you’re a newlywed? Forget it. Marriage is difficult enough in the beginning. Throw in never seeing each other, as well as the normal day to day struggles that come with just getting married, and you’re in for one hell of a ride. If anyone tells you that it was easy, and tries to make you feel like you’re all alone, they are full of crap and LYING TO YOU.

My goal here is to do two or three [or more, if it takes more! I tend to not be able to stop once I start writing!] posts over the next few days about my particular situation, and hopefully that will help some of you when your sweeties return! But, before I can dive into what life was like for us after our first deployment, let me share our background.

Three years ago, I moved out here to where we are now after doing a year of long distance with my now husband. I was travelling six days a week because of the job I was working then, and would come out here every weekend that I could. Five months into our relationship [very quick, I know!] we had “the talk” … long distance is hard, and if we didn’t see each other together long term, than what was the point. I told him that I was willing to pack up, leave Seattle and come out here to be with him, if he saw long-term in our future. He told me he wanted to marry me. ๐Ÿ™‚ We were engaged about a month later, and about five months after that, when my contract was up withย  my job, I packed up, shipped everything out here, did everything I could to plan our wedding before I left, and drove cross country.

Now, we had known that the deployment possibility was there. It had been talked about, but in typical Army fashion, nothing had been decided. The rumors flew! Within the matter of a month, the status of the deployment had changed so many times my head was spinning. They were leaving in two weeks, they are leaving in two months, they aren’t leaving for six months, the deployment is cancelled and they aren’t going at all. In the three days it took me to drive cross country, it changed twice. But, since I already had plans to move out there, we continued with that because we had no clue what was going to happen, and we might as well enjoy what time we had. And, if the deployment DID get pushed back, good for us.

A month after I arrived, he got his official deployment orders. He left two weeks after that. I was all alone. No friends, no job, completely overwhelmed by this military life that I had no clue how to handle seeing as how none of my family had been military. It was a new experience for me. But, instead of going back home, I decided to stay and stick it out. I’d have to come back here eventually; I might as well stay and start building our life. So, we [obviously] pushed the wedding back and dealt with the deployment.

Tomorrow: The 15-month deployment, how we dealt, and our struggles.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. May 26, 2009 7:26 pm

    I’m excited for this! 13 years here and we’re tight, but oy, the deployment did a number on us.

  2. May 27, 2009 12:42 pm

    I am super excited about this too. Y’all know I haven’t done this part of the deployment yet… so any advice, Cliff Notes, cheat sheets I can get, I will take! Thanks for sharing and thanks for doing this… both you and LAW! ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Crissie permalink
    January 14, 2010 4:02 pm

    I do have to say mine is a marine and its tough enough with him having to go out on field opps. but now we have been married for 3 months and his deployment is on our 5 month marker… its going to be hard and has been hitting us both pretty hard already… hoping that things work out and we will pull out stronger… thanks for the post… its going to help a lot…

  4. Navy wife permalink
    February 17, 2010 8:44 am

    Oh man…i would love to read all that you have to write! My husband and i just got married in Oct 09 after only about four months of being together….what can i say when you know you just know. he was deployed jan 2010 and will be gone for about seven months but it could extent…but I don’t need to tell you how quickly every plan changes in the military! So i’m back home in GA and this is getting really hard. first deployment for the both of us and only married for three months. I’m doing my thing and working but the more time that passes the harder this is getting. My head is starting to spin with all sorts of stuff. So, i keep my head up and move foward to each new day but i’m not going to say this is easy.

  5. Melissa permalink
    September 12, 2010 1:02 am

    My husband and I had been married for 6 weeks when he deployed. We knew he was going but it wasn’t supposed to be for awhile later. He left on August 1st, I’m already having a hard time with it. I have a wonderfull support system, but it is still so incredibly difficult to be away from him. We had lived together for over two years before our marriage, so it is hard to remember what sleeping without him feels like. Hopefully we will be able to talk often ๐Ÿ™‚

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: