Be all that you can be: be an “errand runner?”
The JDNews (Jacksonville, NC) clearly hasn’t taken the pulse of the military community lately or they are working off of all of the stereotypes reinforced in part by the military community (see my previous posts). That is the only reason I can think of why they would publish an article entitled, “12 great jobs for military spouses” that includes such illustrious careers as: child care/babysitting, errand running, pet sitter and let’s not forget my favorite: being a temp.
This despite their citation of the Blue Star Families lifestyles survey which indicates that “84% of spouses have some college, 25% have a bachelor’s degree, and 10% have an advanced degree.” Clearly those 84% of spouses are looking to be an errand runner, right? WRONG! Believe it or not, military spouses aspire to be more than wrist bling to their service members. We have our own career aspirations. That message doesn’t come across very well because most working spouses are not the ones sitting around having coffee klatches in the middle of the afternoon. They are off running companies, editing books, lobbying Congress, researching the natural world, teaching at every level, nursing and diagnosing the sick and afflicted, and generally out busting their butts and taking names. The message of working spouses doesn’t get through because we are so busy keeping the plates spinning, we aren’t dominating the conversation. It’s easy for us to fall through the cracks.
And when we do speak up and ask for recognition of our careers, our lives, and our desires, we are threatened by people who think we ought to get back in our place (see the latest comment by David on my previous post).
While the JDNews clearly insulted most military spouses and they owe us an apology, now seems like a good time to look ourselves in the mirror and ask what we can do to get the message out that we are more than just spouses. We have real lives, goals, dreams, and aspirations that need not be set aside because of who we married/with whom we partnered. We need to change the conversation or we will be reading articles about what great “errand runners” we can be 10 yrs from now.
Grab your bullhorns ladies and gentlemen. It’s time to get loud!
*Author’s Note: I want to be clear that I believe men and women have the right to choose any career they want, including no career. I just don’t think it is appropriate to continually have the military and other organizations, including JDNews tell us what we are allowed to be or misconstrue what we capabilities we have. In fact, I have done some of these jobs and at one point I worked as a servant, so I would never denigrate any work any military spouse does. I just think we need to lay down stereotypes about what military spouses are capable of being.
It could be that part of the problem is the consistent self-labeling as “military spouse” instead of something else as an identifier that speaks to the person’s individuality/skill/passion. If you put yourself out there as a “spouse of X” before anything else (instead if secondarily or additionally), that’s how you’re seen, and it’s easier to assign traditional/antiquated roles and expectations.
Oh Kristen, I could hug you for being so on the money.
I work in a heavily male-dominated profession. I just walked in the door from a professional development workshop where I had my CV reviewed along with other documents required for a position in my field. I was straight-up told that it might not be fair or right, but having a few things on there that clearly IDed me as a milspouse, in addition to the rest of my experience, might actually hurt me in the job market. They told me I had a strong enough CV to stand on it’s own without that info, but ultimately the choice was mine.
It’s not right and it’s not fair, but they aren’t looking to hire military spouses. They are looking to hire professionals.
My guess is I am not the only professional who has been given this advice and that this is part of the reason why spouses with careers are not the ones dominating milspouse conversation.
This is by far one of the most frustrating things I’ve encountered living the Military lifestyle. I received my Bachelors in psychology before I got married and before my husband joined the Army (we met in college). I want (need) to get at least my Masters in order to pursue any of my dreams and goals, but it’s proving to be a difficult task to complete. Few of my fellow Army wives seem to understand that I don’t want to just be an Army wife. That’s not a job title! I didn’t work my ass of in college to be a wife and stay at home mom. I’m currently paying off student loans, but not working because I’m over-qualified for the jobs they expect me to have, and no one wants to hire a Military spouse who is moving in 5 months. When we do PCS to Bragg (we’re at Hood now) I plan on going full steam ahead to earn my Masters, so when my husband does leave the Military I can pursue my own goals. Thankfully, my husband is incredibly supportive of me and encourages me to go back to school and have a career. It’s definitely a lot more challenging than I expected it to be and it certainly makes me feel quite different from my fellow wives who are content with the title of Army wife.
Sarah:
I understand how you feel, but I hope I can provide you some hope. The first military spouse I ever met was a school principal and working on her MA. She now has a PhD.
Of course she wasn’t representative of many of the officer’s wives I met, but this wasn’t because there weren’t people likely. I think the overwhelming response to the article shows that. Instead, what I have found is that many working spouses are so busy they don’t have time to be in a position to share this with others.
But many of the spouses who do not work outside the home are not simply content with the title of military spouse. Many of the great spouses I have met fall into this category and they are some of the people who have been most supportive of me. You can find many of them here on Left Face.
Even though it doesn’t necessarily seem this way, the truth is that military spouses are pursuing all sorts of careers and doing much good in the world. Many are feminists. Many fall across the political spectrum. It’s unfortunate that most of the spouses who get to hold the microphone reinforce the status quo, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t diversity.
So, you go Sarah, go get your dreams. We at Left Face will be cheering you on, because that is what we are about- supporting each other in our pursuits of happiness.